Pastor Shane Ham : Boundaries and Marriage

Boundaries 2019 · 49:31 · Recorded November 17, 2019

Proverbs 5:15-23 (CSB) Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well. Should your springs flow in the streets, streams of water in the public squares? They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers. Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful fawn — let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever. Why, my son, would you be infatuated with a forbidden woman or embrace the breast of a stranger? For a man’s ways are before the LORD’s eyes, and He considers all his paths. A wicked man’s iniquities entrap him; he is entangled in the ropes of his own sin. He will die because there is no discipline and be lost because of his great stupidity.

Three guardrails to protect marriage:

1. The sanctity of marriage.

Mark 10:6-9 (NASB) "But from the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (MSG) Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.

Hebrews 13:4 (ESV) Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Being diligent about:

Your viewing habits.

Your online presence.

Your deepening friendships.

Your lifestyle patterns.

Titus 2:11-12 (NIV) For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

2. The selflessness of marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (MSG) The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Imposters that masquerade as “love”:

If love: “I’ll love you if…”

Because love: “I’ll love you because…”

When love: “I’ll love you when…”

A love that lives up to the hype:

Regardless love: “I love you regardless…”

Romans 5:8 (CSB) God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!

Ephesians 5:25 (CSB) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Ephesians 5:2 (NIV) And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3. The security of marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:5 (MSG) Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

A side note about sex:

Sex is not just for recreation, not just for procreation, but also for communication!

Genesis 4:1 (ESV) Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain.

1 Samuel 1:19 (ESV) They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD; then they went back to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.

Colossians 3:12-14 (MSG) So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Love cultivates security!

  • We often believe that what we do in private is ours alone. Reread Proverbs 5:15-23. In light of verse 21, what difference will that make in your future thoughts and decisions regarding sex? Will it help you maintain proper boundaries? How? Why?

  • Shane gave the synonym “holiness” for the word “sanctity” in point #1. Share with your group how you describe the holiness that is marriage. Have you always seen marriage this way? What caused that or what changed that?

  • Spend time with God this week praying from Psalm 139:23-24. Ask him to reveal to you any way you are not being diligent about protecting your marriage. If you are not married, ask him to reveal to you any way you may be impeding on the boundaries of someone else’s marriage. Confess, repent, and be transformed!

  • Make a list of what selflessness in your marriage looks like. In what ways do you practice it? Receive it? Ask God for his help in keeping a “them first” perspective.

  • Talk with your spouse about the level of security each of you feels in your marriage. Ask how you can help your partner be more secure in your love for them. How can you renew your lifelong commitment to one another? How will you live that out in your day to day life? What will you do to be accountable to each other for the boundaries that help your security grow and your confidence flourish?

  • Elementary parents, today our bottom line is when we work together, we can do big things. Ask kids how four men helped their friend. (They carried him to see Jesus.) When they arrived at the house where Jesus was, the house was too crowded to get the man inside. Ask kids what they did to help their friend see Jesus. (Dug a hole in the roof.) The job that needed to be done was too big for just one person, but together the men accomplished BIG THINGS. And, so can we!

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