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Pastor Ben Koole : How to Be Single

How to Be · 41:43 · Recorded September 18, 2022

How To Be Single

1 Corinthians 7:25-38 (NIV) Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world — how he can please his wife — and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin — this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

Four lies that ruin singleness

1. I’m lonely because I’m single.

Ephesians 2:18-22 (ESV) For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

2. I can’t connect because all my friends are married.

Romans 12:4-5 (ESV) For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

3. I’m single because there is no one worth dating.

4. I’m single because I’m not good enough.

Colossians 1:16-18 (NIV) For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

Four behaviors that redeem singleness

Don’t be controlled by your “status”.

1 Timothy 6:6-7 (NIV) But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

Be controlled by your devotion to the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (ESV) For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) …we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Don’t reject fellowship because of relationship status.

1 Corinthians 1:10 (NLT) I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.

Make an honest resolution about your romantic desires.

Talk It Over
  • The old expression “birds of a feather flock together” is true. People tend build friendships on common ground. What common ground is most natural for you to build new friendships on?

  • On a scale from 1 to 10, how challenging is it to relate to people in different life stages than you? Why?

  • The apostle Paul said that it is good and right to “live with undivided devotion to the Lord.” Being devoted is living with affectionate enthusiasm for a person, place, or thing. What is one area of your life that you feel devoted to the Lord? What is one area of your life that you struggle to devote to the Lord?

  • If you are single, what do you have to offer to believers who are in relationships? If you are married, what do you have to offer to believers who are single? What is one step you can take to contribute to their lives this week?

  • Pastor Ben pointed out the distinction between ‘good enough’ or ‘mature enough’ to be married. Sometimes people are single because they need to allow God to transform an undeveloped area of their life (truthfully, every person needs more of God’s transformation). Read Romans 12:1-2. What does Paul say leads to Godly transformation? How can you go about renewing your mind?

  • Parents: Read 2 Corinthians 10:5 with your kids and talk about how Jesus will help us when bad or negative thoughts come to our minds. We can pray in that moment for his help, and he will help us – even with our thoughts!

##### Talk It Over
– The old expression “birds of a feather flock together” is true. People tend build friendships on common ground. What common ground is most natural for you to build new friendships on?

– On a scale from 1 to 10, how challenging is it to relate to people in different life stages than you? Why?

– The apostle Paul said that it is good and right to “live with undivided devotion to the Lord.” Being devoted is living with affectionate enthusiasm for a person, place, or thing. What is one area of your life that you feel devoted to the Lord? What is one area of your life that you struggle to devote to the Lord?

– If you are single, what do you have to offer to believers who are in relationships? If you are married, what do you have to offer to believers who are single? What is one step you can take to contribute to their lives this week?

– Pastor Ben pointed out the distinction between ‘good enough’ or ‘mature enough’ to be married. Sometimes people are single because they need to allow God to transform an undeveloped area of their life (truthfully, every person needs more of God’s transformation). Read Romans 12:1-2. What does Paul say leads to Godly transformation? How can you go about renewing your mind?

– Parents: Read 2 Corinthians 10:5 with your kids and talk about how Jesus will help us when bad or negative thoughts come to our minds. We can pray in that moment for his help, and he will help us – even with our thoughts!

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